Between the Layers: Love Revealed.

 *deep, slow exhale*

I'm back---finally. I've been longing for this precious little treat for some time now. Just picture it. Here I am, late into the night, dressed in comfort and curled up on my bed. Surrounded by an array of unkempt blankets and pillows, I can hear the (surprisingly) soothing sounds of the attic fan coming from the hall. This is the first chance I've really had for personal reflection in what seems like weeks.  So where do I begin? Perhaps I should describe the state of which this new revelation came about. Sound good? Here she goes...

The past few weeks have felt like a swirl. I don't remember the last time my body, mind and emotions were so depleted of every familiar thing. This is primarily due to the intensity of my schedule. I didn't realize how hard the adjustment was going to be in the beginning of my semester. But here I am, two months later, still growing in wisdom (i.e. exercising discipline) and smoothing out the kinks as I go. And wouldn't you know it, it's in these oh-so-lovely times of change that my immaturity's are exposed, and my need is abundant. Thankfully, the Lord is kind to my heart and generous in His faithfulness over my life.

Allow me to explain.

For starters, I have come to the grand conclusion that I am a walking paradox. It's true, friends; I constantly find myself groping for the stable and consistent ways of life. You know, something dependable in the midst of the ever changing stages of growth, all the while supplying  just enough  flavor (adventure) and spice (mystery) to fulfill my longing for abundance and wonder. *insert sarcasm here* What makes this little sweetheart even more awesome is that I don't befriend change well, but I do, however, need variety on a regular basis. You see what I mean? A paradox. Here, to further my case, indulge me for a moment...

I need time to myself, but don't care to be alone for too long. I crave deep, lasting, authentic relationships, yet I'm confronted with the urge to run at the sight of relational messiness. (Okay, that's actually really embarrassing to confess. I mean, when will there not be messiness in this life? *shakes head* Get over it, Ash.) 

Where was I? Oh yeah...

I'm the laugher who loves a good cry; I'm passionately intense, and incredibly laid back (it's possible, I assure you); my tastes are both extravagant and simple; I love surprises, but highly dislike being thrown for a loop; I'm the thinker whose fond of verbiage; I'm determined with a mild case of laziness; I'm bursting with vision, but lacking in means; I need time, but loathe the wait; I'm reserved in that slightly opinionated sort-of-way; I'm that introverted extrovert who can straddle both sides of the social fence; my first instinct is usually to rebel, while my only desire is to obey; my orderly ambitions are mostly overridden by a not-so-tidy nature. And that's just to name a few...

(Okay, I think by now that horse can meet St. Peter fully battered and bruised.)

When I'm not taxed by these "across the board" personality traits, I often ponder the purposes the Lord desires to bring to fruition through them. Granted, some are purely immature and will fade off the scene with time, while a certain few I feel are there for very specific intents and purposes. Regardless of the case, I must resist the temptation to be my own Savior, by ceasing (i.e. repenting of) my pathetic attempts to hurry sanctification along with the weak and pitiful means of vanity.  By living Christ I have relinquished all rights to be my own god, and in doing so, I have no need to despise that which His hands have created or what His perfect timing will produce. Nor will I entertain the shame and unbelief that has so easily entangled me in the past.

So, why does it matter if I try to create my own righteousness? Because His extravagant love demands all of me, to put it plainly. If I could make myself right before God, I wouldn't need Jesus' blood to pay the ransom that was due in my name thanks to my own iniquity. And because this is utterly impossible in every way, shape and form, but I continue to live as though it were possible, I defame His name whether I think I do or not.  To receive Him, I must fully die to myself and abandon every measure of self reliance that tries to destroy true love.  With that, He showcases His commitment to me in the most precious ways. In this season, He's done so by tenderly beckoning me to the place of complete desolation. And it's only within this divine paradox of my abundant emptiness that I will find His fullness overflowing into my life. 

Jesus, thank You. Let not Your faithfulness cease in my life, lest I become hindered from entering into that which You have called me to. Your grace is my only hope and my perfect companion on this side. How I long for that precious day when You will return to make all things right once again. Then and only then will life truly begin. Have the preeminence, my God. You alone are worthy of all honor, glory and dominion.

:::::Ending Slavery:::::

Exodus Cry: The Call to Battle from Exodus Cry on Vimeo.

my recent meditation.

 The House of God, Forever - Jon Foreman

Something I've Always Wanted To Do...

Thaaaaaaaaaaat's right! My girl, Megan and I will be checking something off our beloved "Things To Try" list this Saturday at our first POTTERY class!  The best part is that we'll endeavor this together. Perfect, I know.

More to come on this! An abundance of grace and mercy over your labor day, friends! =)

Kindness.

I thought I'd take a quick break from my study in the book of Joel to share some recent thoughts. This study is pretty intense (which I'm all about) and I'm fascinated by many angles of God's heart, but especially: Bridegroom, King and Judge. My faith is becoming grounded in ways I never thought possible. I can feel the Lord building a firm foundation (Colossians 3:10) on which I'll stand in the following seasons. I just love Him for that. He desires that we be ready for His return in every way. So what does He do? He teaches us exactly what we need to know. He prepares our path with knowledge and wisdom and His precious Spirit so that we can be found by Him in complete faithfulness. This Man's kindness and thoughtfulness toward His Bride baffles me. Who is there like Him?

Jesus, thank You for the jealous, passionate love that burns in Your heart for Your bride. Teach us the way of Your Kingdom. Destroy the fig leaves of self preservation in our lives. We were made for You, Jesus. Come and have Your way in our hearts. Remove offense and grant grace where it's needed to believe You are who You say You are. You are our only Hope...

Trip Lee-The Invasion (Hero) Feat. Jai

I kinda love this song.

He's coming back, and sooner than we think. Are you ready?

Sunday Musings....

The combination of the Prayer Room playing lightly in the background, and the aroma of freshly made pumpkin spiced bread filling the kitchen makes for a lovely atmosphere.

Today is Sunday, which means Monday will be here sooner than I think. I still have homework to finish and laundry to start...

But first, a little unwinding is in order: processing the happenings and unfinished thoughts that took place in my day. Ready? Here she goes...

This morning I went to church with some amazingness. Her name is Megan. If you haven't met her, you really should. But be prepared for your life to change after you do. She just has that affect on a person. Anyway, after the service she and I went to lunch at Dean and Deluca where we shared bits and pieces of our past with one another over a slightly overpriced meal. Ha, it was great. Poolside homework was next on our list. Under the blaring sunshine and humid temperatures, we continued to intermittently share our hearts, thoughts and desires with each other. Then we stopped off at World Market, and lost ourselves in their many different colors, textures and home accents.... Do you know why I love that girl as much as I do? Well, I'm going to tell you. Her heart provokes me in holiness and righteousness in many ways; all of which stem from her abounding love for Jesus. I love running along side hearts that burn for this Man; hers is definitely one of them. I treasure her friendship so much.

Woven in between the comings and goings of my day were the sweet musings of Jesus, and His Kingdom that He has promised to His Bride. He fascinates me, you know. And I am so in need of His grace to love Him...I can do nothing of good in my own strength, this I have found time and time again. But blessed am I to know that His heart yearns to answer the cry for more of Him. He takes my breath away. Who is this beautiful Man?

Maranatha.

{my identity; my worth}

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."  - Zephaniah 3:17

 

I am so loved by this Man. He treasures my life, cherishes my desires, and fights for my heart. He relentlessly pursues me in every season, and refuses to give me anything but His very best. He is consumed with thoughts of me, and adores what He sees when He sets His fiery gaze upon me. He declares me His masterpiece. He deems me worthy to be found in His presence. The Godhead, three-in-one, longs for me. This is what His Word says. I am loved by the uncreated God. This is who I am; this is why I exist.

"Brown paper packages tied up with string, {these are a few of my favorite things...}"

Below are a few things that make my heart smile. 

Enjoy...

Abundant Life.

I yearn for this...my freedom and purpose:
WORSHIP.

..::iron sharpening iron; abounding in love::..

Weeping Willows. Gasp. Sigh.

Saaaay cheese!

DANCE.

IDENTITY: The most privileged posture.

Organic deliciousness. Mmm, mmm...gooood!

Working on my personal library...

 Can't leave home without my NALGENE. 

 Perfect leadership. Grace, Abba.

My favorite season.

 I've been flirting with organization lately. I'm sure we'll become full-fledged friends....someday.

 One day, I would like to travel the world....with my Best Friend.

 I'm still on the hunt for the perfect cozy cove for encounter and study....

My life will be made up with much of this.

 Flea Markets? Uh...yes, please!

Dearest SNAIL MAIL,
Where have you gone?
I fear technology is ridding us of such a precious pastime. Please come back to me.
Sincerely,
Ash

 My evenings feel practically naked without them.

Eternal treasures hidden amidst the crease...

 A peek through His eyes...  *Daddy's girl*

BFF: the real deal.

*sigh*

An oak of righteousness; shining like the noonday sun.

I've always had a secret affection for swings.

More to come...

Summer Treasures

So, I'm a nanny. And I love my job, as I get to spend my days with three amazing children who are full of life in every way possible.

This morning the children and I went to cash in their points at Target (their parents have chosen to reward their obedience with a points system--the more times they obey at the first request/instruction, the more points they wrack up. It's a very effective method, to say the least.). I watched their precious little faces light up as they picked out their prizes from the dollar aisle. Their personalities beamed through with every item.

Whitby, the middle child, and the only girl, is becoming more and more like a young lady with each passing day. Today she chose everything in the color pink: pink diary, pink pencils, pink hair bows, pink sunglasses, pink water bottle, pink crown. It was totally precious. Every time she put something new into her basket, she would crack a joke that would make the whole group laugh. She brings so much joy to our lives.

Canon, the eldest sibling, chose army men, fire fighters and policemen action figures, a comic book, athletic balls, and pool toys. I relished watching these items fall into his basket because of how much he loves his family. You see, Canon loves caring for them, and is very protective, too. Two blossoming qualities I have enjoyed witnessing in his life over the past months. He is also very wise and discerning and uses these gifts to kindly and energetically offer the advice needed to bring about the most satisfaction for the group. For example, when one of his sibs needed direction in choosing a certain item, he leaped at the chance to serve them unto a completed mission. Needless to say, Canon is a born leader.

Cosmo, the youngest of the bunch, followed his brother's suit (a per usual happening) by loading the same items into his little basket that Canon chose. Cosmo has a heart of gold; he is constantly thinking of other people, and loves to share his belongings with anyone in need. He asked me if he could put a certain kind of candy in his basket, and with his request came the following statement: "It's a big enough bag for everyone to have more than one, Ash!"

How do I survive my days when I am constantly bombarded with infinite cuteness, you might wonder? I'm still trying to figure that out. ; )

This is the most rewarding line of work I've ever given myself to. I am so thankful for this season of my life.
The children and I have been studying the character of Jesus this summer, and have had a blast getting to know that Man more intimately. We have all grown in loving each other well, and have made many memories in the process that I will forever treasure.

Thank You, Jesus! Yours is the goodness and glory that will abound forever more. Be so glorified in our lives, Lord. Increase our love for You all the more.

Lover's Ache

I ache for more than what I possess in this moment. Unsatisfied, I've walked about for some time now. I can hear the faint longings of my spirit cry out in desperation to experience what my natural eyes and ears are not privy to. I grope for these mysteries He has promised to me. The existence I was destined for; the treasures that were placed within me from before time was (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

While reading the words Brother Lawrence penned to a confident, the groan in my spirit was briefly satisfied with a glimmer of hope.

"Experiencing these things (the pleasures of God's continual presence) makes this brother (Lawrence) certain beyond all doubt that God is always in the depth of his soul, no matter what he does or what happens to him. Imagine what contentment and satisfaction he enjoys, possessing such an ever-present treasure! He isn't anxious to find it and doesn't worry about where to look for it, because he has already found it and may take whatever he wants from it. He often calls men blind, complaining that we are content with too little. God has infinite treasures to give us, he says. Why should we be satisfied with a brief moment of worship? With such meager devotion, we restrain the flow of God's abundant grace. If God can find a soul filled with a lively faith, He pours His grace into it in a torrent that, having found an open channel, gushes out exuberantly." (The Practice of the Presence of God, by Brother Lawrence)

The Apostle Paul exhorts believers to be confident in the finished work of the Cross, so that we can enter into that which was won for us there (please read Colossians 1:1-23). When he writes to the church of Ephesus, we learn that our only means of obtaining a lifestyle that is beyond ourselves--one that is abundant and everlasting (John 10:10, 15:16)--is found within Christ Himself, through the spiritual blessings that are in the heavenly realms (see Ephesians 1). Before the foundation of the earth, there was One who was driven by a jealous, burning love that consumed His very being. The uncreated God longed to have a people, a Bride, who voluntarily yearns for His presence (His love), just as He yearns for ours. This is Jesus' inheritance--a spotless Bride--and this is our glory. Our highest privilege is to know His love in an experiential way. Apart from this reality, we have nothing of worth.

Lord, Your beauty surpasses the description of man. Nothing I desire compares with Your majesty. Thank You for this extravagant love that burns within Your heart for Your Bride. Pour out Your Spirit, Jesus. Grant us the grace to experience You in every way that Your heart longs for. You are so worthy of this, and so much more. To you be all the glory forever, and ever.  Amen.

Nefarious: Merchant for Souls

"Maranatha"....the cry of my heart.

Slide the time bar to the thirty minute mark and listen on. It's phenomenal...

Convergence of Missions and Prayer

Mike Bickle, the founder of IHOP, delivers a message to the IHOP–KC staff about his recent and highly significant time with Loren Cunningham, the founder of YWAM.

Passing the Time

Below is an account of the happenings that took place during my sister's graduation.

If you've been to a graduation ceremony, you know what it's like to sit in an incredibly uncomfortable chair for hours, listening to thousands of names you've never heard of, just so you can cheer for that one person

you came to see experience their infamous walk across the stage. So, about twenty five hundred names into the first--of two--ceremonies my youngest brother, Aaron had reached his limit. Though I was content in losing myself in my thoughts of eternity, I could tell by Aaron's fidgeting that he needed an outlet.

 So we did what every other American does when they're bored....we went for a snack.

We kept ourselves busy in between the ceremonies. For instance, we brushed up on our Robot Man moves. You never know when you'll need to break em out. 

 

And then suddenly, out of no where, an urge to fly came upon me....so I did.

Adam saw what I was up to and got a little jealous. He wanted to join me, but first he grew a five o'clock shadow to be extra cool. 

The coolness of Adam's facial hair exceeded our expectations and Aaron and I were speechless.

After that, Aaron asked me to school him in my signature move: The Semi-Matrix...

And then we walked across the street to an ever bigger building for ceremony number dos. It was pretty bleak and nasty outside, but that didn't stop us from having a good time. In our opinion, it was the opportune time for a photo op. As you can see, Adam was rockin' the GQ look....

 ....while Aaron, a door-to-door Bible salesman, and me with my way-awkward duck face (don't ask...).

 

We also witnessed my parents being all cute with each other....  

 

While inside, Aaron made faces to pass the time. Lots of them. Like this one, for instance. 

 

  I made a few myself. This one is entitled: "Unimpressed"

 Next came a great massage from my awesome brother. He is so kind to me.

 It turned out to be an amazing day. On the way home, we took some last minute photos to complete the event.

The End.