...for the joy set before us...

I dreamt of martyrdom last night. What I recall most vividly from my dream was how these faithful men and women endured such atrocious circumstances. They did so by constantly strengthening themselves in their knowledge of Christ. As they set their gaze upon the things that they would one day glory in (Col 3:4, Rom. 8:18, 1Cor 2:9) they courageously endured every trial, test and persecution that came their way. After each hardship, they grew stronger in their faith and more joyful in their love for the Lord. I have absolutely no grid for anything like this. Do you? Later on, I was pleasantly awakened by the sunshine that violently burst through my bedroom blinds (prophetic imagery? I think so! ;) ). As I rolled over, all I could do was delight myself in the things of God's heart. I was still half asleep when praise poured from my lips. This is what revelation does to us...when we encounter God's heart on a deeper level, our circumstance (whether beaten and bloody, or barely awake--not to say these are comparable) becomes irrelevant and all we desire is to be with Him where He is. "Grant me the depths of the knowledge of Your Son, O God, that He will be my greatest delight forevermore...." I continued to pray. It was such a sweet kiss from the Lord to have my thoughts fixed on His heart as I arose this morning. I just love it when He does that... He is the most thoughtful and kind Man I have ever encountered.

Revelation of Jesus, the Man

While mulling over page after page of the gospels, I am confronted by the character and heart of a Man I've never encountered before. His extravagant love, the richness of His mercy and His tender kindness, no man could match. His patience is unfathomable, and His power goes beyond measure. And then He speaks. I believe the things He spoke were purposely meant to confound our weak minds. It is in the grip of those unhinged moments that the true position of our hearts are put on display, and no longer can we deny our depravity in light of His presence. What kind of Man is this?

..:the resolve of love:..

Earlier today Holy Spirit showed Himself quite faithful (as He always does) in responding through me (Luke 12:11,12) when I was asked "Ash, since IHOPU isn't accredited, what in the world do you plan on doing once you've graduated?" After I spoke, my friend emphatically replied "Wow, that was deep!" I smiled politely, and thought Thanks to Holy Spirit! :)

I'm not really sure what God has in mind for me after I graduate from the Forerunner School of Ministry. Ultimately my sole purpose in this life is to love God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength and to receive unconditional love from Him--everything else will exude from these verbs. I know that my time here in this life is not the goal I'm called to fix my eyes upon (2 Corinthians 4:18), for eternity was set deep within my heart before the foundation of the world was ordered (Ecclesiastes 3:11). With this revelation, I've been ushered into a fresh resolve: to spend the rest of my life preparing for eternity. My desire is to be completely ruined with a Heavenly perspective; one that governs every thought, word and action--living with a continual gaze through the lens of God's Kingdom, not my own. Which is why I see this season at IHOP (whether it be for 4 years, or 40 years), as a time for me to be bathed and marinated in the ways of His heart, which will in turn prepare me for everything I'm called to "do". So, to answer my friend's question, I'm not stressed about the career thing. I do have a few ideas of what it may look like, but I honestly don't care to concern myself with such a fleeting matter at this point. I'm not trying to belittle the "do" of our existence. I know each calling is close to God's heart and apart of His strategic plan for redemption. I'm just resting in the knowledge that whatever vocation I'm called to won't be the defining factor of who I am or how my life will unfold. Who I am is a Lover of the Most High God, and the Beloved Bride of Christ. My worth and identity is defined solely upon His opinion of me. Therefore, the more I walk in this reality of love, the more my path will unfold (Proverbs 3;5-6) It's all about Him; it all comes down to Love. :)

mindful wanderings...

I've been struck by how impious my thought life has been overall. I am absolutely disgusted when I think of how much time I've wasted by allowing my mind to wander in and out of mental doorways seeped with wickedness. Unbelief, judgment, fear, doubt, slander, envy, greed, malice, hate, lust, wrath, covetousness, laziness, impatience, apathy, gossip, arrogance, idolatry....I've entertained it all. None of these thoughts are from the Lord, so why do I give myself over to them? Proverbs tells us thoughts like these lead only to death, and all such manner is an abomination to the Lord. Intense....very intense.

(Switching gears a little) In light of this new found revelation, I've been stirred to take proactive steps in slaying this nasty habit I've acquired over the years. So this morning, while running a few errands, I was listening to worship, and meditating on the glory of beholding the man, Christ Jesus---can you get any better than that?! I mean, really. He brought to my mind 1 Thessalonians 4:17, which says "¹⁷ Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord." As I chewed on this verse, I received an impression of how dramatic this will actually be (I'm all about the theatrical side of God). By this time, I was getting out of my car and walking toward the FSM library. As I glanced up toward the sky, I was delighted by the fact that there will be a day where I will not only see Jesus in the clouds, I will be WITH him there...in the clouds! This totally fascinates my very being. And don't even get me started on the last seven words of this verse....to always be with Him; I can hardly wait...

New Beginnings...

I'm coming upon the one month mark here at the International House of Prayer University (IHOPU). It's astounding to think how quickly the past few weeks have flown by. Every time I walk into the Prayer Room I can hear a Heavenly confirmation that this is where I belong. Though I'm encouraged to know I'm smack dab in the middle of God's plan for my life geographically, I still find myself at a loss for reaction concerning the affirmation of my calling. Surveying my past, I can see how the Lord was setting me up for this season of my life years before I even knew Him. Supernatural set ups are the best! ;)


Also, since I've moved here, I've become acquainted with a new friend named Consecration. He and Surrender are best buds. You see, I once entertained the idea of following the Lord of lords, the King of kings and the Creator of all into the very depths of His heart as completely romantic, pleasant and care free. Something that I could obtain directly, while of course looking elegant and graceful in the process. HA! And then I was called to the plate, and immediately accosted by the seemingly unbearable weight of my own weakness. It was then that I was introduced to the "labor pains" of surrendering my entire life to the Omnipotent One. Stripping myself of everything I know as familiar, comfortable and attainable and setting aside every other desire to truly know Him is not only terrifying beyond all comprehension, but also contrary to everything I was raised to believe. I know in my head that He's worth it; I also know my life will be utterly wasted should I not set myself on a pilgrimage of knowing Him with undivided, unapologetic devotion, while falling fiercely in love with Him with each passing moment. So, there you have it, folks. I'm embarking upon uncharted waters... here goes everything. =)