Longing for Leadership

With my sister's wedding less than 6 months away, I've found myself thinking on the context of marriage lately. Not the "happily ever after, white picket fence" version that the media brainwashes us with, but rather the actual labor (spiritually, physically and emotionally), and the vitality of each role within the framework of a marriage. However, not having grown up under much spiritual leadership, I've struggled in understanding my own worth and purpose in the context of such a sacred covenant. This was discouraging on a number of levels because of how deeply I desire to make this covenant with a man of virtue and honor some day. So, to unhinge myself from the oh-so familiar corner of despair, I repented of my worry and unbelief and began praying for wisdom and understanding to prevail the bewildering lies that I had been subconsciously in agreement with for so long. Then I stumbled upon this resource last night. Coincidence? I think not. 

Enjoy and be blessed! =)

Link:

http://mikebickle.org/resources/resource/1689

I Will Wait

Jesus, Lover of my soul

The One whose in control, when all the world fails me

Jesus, the One who draws me near

Whose voice I long to hear, the One who is in me

On You who calms the seas

On You who loves to speak to me

On You I will wait patiently

And I will wait, wait to hear Your voice

In the midst of this noise

You're all I want to hear God

And I will wait, as long as it takes

For the silence to break

You're all I want to hear God

You're all I want to hear God

On You who calms the seas

On You who loves to speak to me

On You I will wait patiently...

"I Will Wait" - Ryan Kondo 

Relief.

It's been a looong weekend. The kind that presents an invitation to dread Monday morning's alarm because you aren't sure where your weekend went. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate having things to do. For instance, a large green duffel bag sits unzipped at the foot of my bed. With a few articles of clothing, and traveling doodad's spilling casually onto my floor, I can hear the faint protest of my almost clean room cry out for the justice of complete order and cleanliness. And even though I value a tidy atmosphere on most occasions, I just can't seem to find it in me to unpack my belongings tonight. So instead, I push my to-do list aside, and pull out the essentials. Bible: Check. Soaking music: Check. Christmas lights and candles: Check, check. (It's all about the ambiance, my friends). Sitting quietly, I remind myself once again that tomorrow's demands do not need my audience tonight. A soothing sigh of relief comes over me. Come, Lord Jesus; Your Beloved awaits You....

Fiery Gaze

The sounds of glory surround me as I raise my hands and close my eyes in pure adoration. Soon the world fades away, and I find myself eagerly bowing my heart to the most wonderful Man I have ever encountered. Though I do not see Him in the natural, I can feel His presence as if He were touching me on the shoulder. As I set my mind on the mysteries of Heaven, my heart is captured with just one glance of His passionate, fiery gaze. At the sight of His Holiness, fear should conquer my weak frame, but instead, I am overcome with the aroma of His faithfulness. I stand undone by the beauty of this Man who is before me. The longer my gaze lingers, the more captivated I become. Revelation seamlessly exudes from His being, by which the longings of my heart are found satisfied, and righteous desire arise from the embers of my weary spirit. My breath catches in my chest as I search for the words to express my love; yet no word could suffice the honor that is due His Name. Speechless and empty handed, I kneel before Him in reverence. Tears of gratitude and devotion flow down my cheeks pouring freely onto His scarred feet. My emotions are miles ahead of my understanding when the tender whisper of 'I love You' leaps from my lips into His heart. His eyes fill with tears at the sound of my voice, and a smile dances across His beautiful face in response to my offered worship. He gently wipes away my tears, and pulls me to my feet. Suddenly, I am caught in His gaze, where time has no power. Lost in His boundless love, I exhale a sigh of relief. At last, I have found all that I have ever desired...

...for the joy set before us...

I dreamt of martyrdom last night. What I recall most vividly from my dream was how these faithful men and women endured such atrocious circumstances. They did so by constantly strengthening themselves in their knowledge of Christ. As they set their gaze upon the things that they would one day glory in (Col 3:4, Rom. 8:18, 1Cor 2:9) they courageously endured every trial, test and persecution that came their way. After each hardship, they grew stronger in their faith and more joyful in their love for the Lord. I have absolutely no grid for anything like this. Do you? Later on, I was pleasantly awakened by the sunshine that violently burst through my bedroom blinds (prophetic imagery? I think so! ;) ). As I rolled over, all I could do was delight myself in the things of God's heart. I was still half asleep when praise poured from my lips. This is what revelation does to us...when we encounter God's heart on a deeper level, our circumstance (whether beaten and bloody, or barely awake--not to say these are comparable) becomes irrelevant and all we desire is to be with Him where He is. "Grant me the depths of the knowledge of Your Son, O God, that He will be my greatest delight forevermore...." I continued to pray. It was such a sweet kiss from the Lord to have my thoughts fixed on His heart as I arose this morning. I just love it when He does that... He is the most thoughtful and kind Man I have ever encountered.

Revelation of Jesus, the Man

While mulling over page after page of the gospels, I am confronted by the character and heart of a Man I've never encountered before. His extravagant love, the richness of His mercy and His tender kindness, no man could match. His patience is unfathomable, and His power goes beyond measure. And then He speaks. I believe the things He spoke were purposely meant to confound our weak minds. It is in the grip of those unhinged moments that the true position of our hearts are put on display, and no longer can we deny our depravity in light of His presence. What kind of Man is this?

..:the resolve of love:..

Earlier today Holy Spirit showed Himself quite faithful (as He always does) in responding through me (Luke 12:11,12) when I was asked "Ash, since IHOPU isn't accredited, what in the world do you plan on doing once you've graduated?" After I spoke, my friend emphatically replied "Wow, that was deep!" I smiled politely, and thought Thanks to Holy Spirit! :)

I'm not really sure what God has in mind for me after I graduate from the Forerunner School of Ministry. Ultimately my sole purpose in this life is to love God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength and to receive unconditional love from Him--everything else will exude from these verbs. I know that my time here in this life is not the goal I'm called to fix my eyes upon (2 Corinthians 4:18), for eternity was set deep within my heart before the foundation of the world was ordered (Ecclesiastes 3:11). With this revelation, I've been ushered into a fresh resolve: to spend the rest of my life preparing for eternity. My desire is to be completely ruined with a Heavenly perspective; one that governs every thought, word and action--living with a continual gaze through the lens of God's Kingdom, not my own. Which is why I see this season at IHOP (whether it be for 4 years, or 40 years), as a time for me to be bathed and marinated in the ways of His heart, which will in turn prepare me for everything I'm called to "do". So, to answer my friend's question, I'm not stressed about the career thing. I do have a few ideas of what it may look like, but I honestly don't care to concern myself with such a fleeting matter at this point. I'm not trying to belittle the "do" of our existence. I know each calling is close to God's heart and apart of His strategic plan for redemption. I'm just resting in the knowledge that whatever vocation I'm called to won't be the defining factor of who I am or how my life will unfold. Who I am is a Lover of the Most High God, and the Beloved Bride of Christ. My worth and identity is defined solely upon His opinion of me. Therefore, the more I walk in this reality of love, the more my path will unfold (Proverbs 3;5-6) It's all about Him; it all comes down to Love. :)